Bizarre Tales

Life is Stranger than Fiction and the News is Stranger than Life

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Curse of the Bio Techs - PG-13

Where is Roger Corman when we need him - to reassure us. It's only a movie. It's only a movie. But, unfortunately, we are not talking low grade horror flicks here. We are talking about a computer peripheral that may be coming to a desk very near you. Too close for comfort.

"Tissue engineers like Vladimir Mironov of the Medical University of South Carolina, and Thomas Boland of Clemson University, have been printing biomaterials with modified ink-jet printers."

I'm confident they have good intentions yet I'm haunted with images that their research may be contaminated by the DNA of my long dead and hardly missed step-father.

"Boland and Mironov use layers of "thermo-reversable" gel to build up three-dimensional structures like tubes—capillaries, to use the medical term. When the tiny droplets, or clumps, of cells came together closely, they fused."

I'm laying in bed in the dark of night. I hear my printer chirring and humming. Pass after pass. Layer after sinuey layer. Structure after structure. Limb after limb. And then a squishy, ripping sound like duct tape being pulled from a captured serial killer's wrists.

Thud, thud, belch, fart, the apparition appears at the foot of my bed. "Hey, dingleberry, gimme ten bucks 'til payday."

It's too horrible to contemplate which makes it better fodder for the silver screen than the home office.

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